random acts of kindness

A few years ago, I was standing in a supermarket line, feeling my usual impatience and caught up in my mental list of things I needed to do. I was vaguely aware of and irritated with the old man at the counter who seemed to be deliberately moving in slow motion.

He hadn’t bought much but spent a long time excavating long pockets and bringing up a few coins and slowly counting them out. The cashier was mentally smacking the old man into action and looking apologetically at me and the line getting longer behind me.

I realized that the old man had run out of coins and was becoming anxious about not having enough to pay for his groceries; I could feel him imagining what he could take out or do without. He was 70c short.

Without thinking, I pulled out a dollar and handed it to the cashier. I would love to claim this as a random act of kindness but I think the real truth is that I was just being practical about moving the man on so I could get through.

I swear I felt a spotlight shine down on me. The old man looked straight at me and his smile hit me like a wow. The cashier grinned and the people behind me leaned forward. Nothing was said; the man moved on and I stepped into position. But, the goosebumps I felt and the after image of his gratitude left me feeling expanded and floating for hours afterward.

It was an impulse not an intention and certainly the 70c meant nothing to me, but in that moment, to that man, it was a big deal. That man’s smiling face stayed with me for hours after and more than that the sheer expanded lightness I felt was pure magic.

People often say they get more out of giving than receiving; this was the first time that I really got it. I usually think of people’s gratitude as being a matter of politeness; I give, they say thanks and I reply that’s okay – end of story.

Of course, I don’t know the full story behind the old man, but I have thought about it a number of times. It might have been about his need for the food, the anxiety of being hurried or the embarrassment of the situation. Regardless, the man was touched by a kindness and the gratitude he felt was tangible – my heart was expanded and I do believe that the same was true for those who were witness.

Here is what I have learned about kindness:
Kindness has no agenda; it has no expectation, no demand for reimbursement, it comes from the heart or the soul’s desire to lift, heal or fulfil. When an act of kindness comes with an expectation of return it is a covert agreement, a mental form of commerce or manipulation – psychic bartering.

That man doesn’t know it and it took me a while to see it but the kindness was not from me to him; it was from him to me. For only 70c I learned the truth about how the Universe’s economy operates.

Most of us are tunnel-visioned about prosperity - the old world view of work ethics; an honest day’s work for an honest days pay or just the strong belief that nothing comes from nothing or no such thing as a free lunch. The greater part of our survival, commercial/financial belief is based on direct exchange; we exchange goods and services by negotiation and perceived value.

We are very confused about abundance and prosperity and often quite neurotic about receptivity or worthiness.

What most people don’t know is that the Universe has a whole different system operating and it can be viewed as karma, like attracting like or paying forward – it’s a system of gifting. I personally like to refer to it as God’s Shop. It’s a matter of allowing life to gift back to you without any preconceived idea or expectation of what or how or when you receive back what you added to the overall mix.

Unlike physical commerce it is not an agreed exchange. It is an investment in kindness. You just give whatever and whenever you find an opportunity. It’s like a great big charity drive; you gather all of your excess, your overflow and release it into an infinite pool of requirements. Give away all the stuff you no longer need or require or use. Give as much affection, encouragement, compassion and nurturing as you can. Look for opportunities to help; give time, strength, knowledge or action where it’s needed.

It might look like you are throwing out stuff but what is really happening is that you are adding to the invisible and immeasurable pool of the human heart. Kindness creates kindness. There is an infinite supply of goods and services being gifted everywhere you look once you become a participant in the system.

If you look for a reward, insist on repayment or try to manipulate the system it will not work. Everything here works by surrender and being open to receiving. There are infinite possibilities in how it comes back and most of the time you won’t make the connection. If the only reward is the sense of feeling like a good guy for giving away a pair of shoes you didn’t want then let that be it too. But I have seen amazing things happen around me by gifting.

One of the best things about being a gifter is that you stop being attached to things and realize that everything you need will come back to you in better ways when space has been created. Most people hoard when they believe in lack and they end up with a lots of useless junk (physically, emotionally and intellectually) because they won’t let go of the old. More importantly, their belief in lack or habit of hoarding is universally maintaining or creating more lack.

This has been happening all around me and for the most part I have been oblivious to it. One of my biggest obstacles was my impulse to refuse help or my perceived idea of charity. Mostly I saw gifting as an IOU and I said no to so much because I didn’t want to feel indebted or unsure that I could repay.

It wasn’t until my 70c lesson that I realized that there is no debt. Unless I contractually agree then there can not be a debt. If someone gives me something but has a personal agenda without making that clear then that is not a gift - that is emotional blackmail or manipulation and I am not responsible for any disappointment they may experience. I am sorry if they have confused their intention and sorrier if they don’t realize that they are creating more of whatever that is in their own life.

Another interesting twist to gifting is that it is not tit-for-tat. There is no direct exchange between two specific people. If I gift to my friend, I might get nothing back at all or, I might be gifted to from my sister. I might gift out a pair of shoes but be gifted to with a meal. None of that matters; it’s the process or just keeping the ball in the air. I acknowledge that gifting comes back to me multiplied but that is not my motivation.

I want kindness to replace or compete with commercial commerce. I love the idea of recycling, would love to minimize materialism, dismantle greed and envy, and alleviate insecurity, poverty and neediness. People are making themselves sick by working too hard and too long to accumulate and hoard stuff. This is about fear and the belief that life is harsh and that there is not enough to go around. I don’t just mean in a material sense but also within the sheer panic of feeling unsupported, unappreciated and alone. Gifting is not just giving out stuff but giving from the heart; a touch, a kind word, a day’s assistance, sharing tears or fears – caring.

I could (and maybe I will later) write about the phenomenal good fortune and generosity which has come my way in recent years to show examples of how this system works. There have been bigger and grander examples which might be more impressive but to me none compare with the love I felt seeing the beauty of that old mans smile and his gratitude for that 70c.

I would love you to feel that; to feel the surge of your spirit when it connects with the heart of a stranger. I hope my message to you today inspires you to lend yourself to God’s shop. I encourage you to open your arms wide and say yes to life and all of its gifts and remember yourself a creator of your world.
Copyright Sonya Green