The world is talking about cancer and dying

It’s really weird how things keep showing up if you are trying not to think about them. It seems like the past few weeks everyone has been talking about cancer. I think it might have been breast cancer week earlier this month, as every magazine in every waiting room had articles about breast cancer. There have been talk back radio shows, documentaries, interviews or movies relating to cancer almost every day. Also, in the past two weeks, tens of thousands of people were killed in Burma and China. The more I try not to think about death, the more I keep hearing about it. And numbers, percentages and what are the odds of that happening - seems to be showing up in everything. So much to do with cancer has to do with statistics. So much to do with death has to do with the odds. Really, with all the information I have looked into, it all comes back to, “The possibility of…is? %”

Stats make for an interesting argument, but ultimately everything in life is a gamble and this adventure is the gamble of my life – because the gamble is my life. There are no guarantees, no one really knows what causes cancer and no one can claim to have a 100% cure for 100% of the people. No one knows if it will come back or if it will spread or even if it is ever totally gone. It’s quite likely that most of us have cancerous cells which we may never even know we had. Most will probably outlive their cancer and die of something completely unrelated. Some believe that surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or hormone therapies create more damage than they cure. Some of us worry about radiation from microwaves, phones and computer screens and yet I have had so many x-rays this month that I can’t even comprehend radiation therapy. And yet, the research and the statistics say that it drastically reduces the chance of cancer showing up again. Chemo is basically poisoning myself in the hope that it will save me. It doesn’t make sense, but the stats say…. Anyway, some people live and some people die either way. Some will do nothing and live and others will do everything and still die.

Talking is probably the most healing thing I have in my life. Thinking alone can bring up demons and it’s incredibly easy to exaggerate and dramatize everything. Talking with people who care brings hope and clarity but most of all, someone will cut you off when you become self indulgent or crazy. You can’t speak the craziness that you can think! The best thing about talking is that the subject gets changed; someone brings normality back to your mind, life goes on around you and for you. Supportive people allow you to indulge your fears for a while just to release them, but they also veer you back to the best outcome and remind you to stay with what’s happening here and now. I have fantastic people around me and I can call on any one of them any day – and I do. Having my son here is also healing, we don’t talk too much but he has such a grounding effect on me, with him it’s the opposite, it is the quietness that keeps me peaceful and calm.

Sonya Green www.reinventingmyself.com